THINGS I DON’T LIKE - FLIES AND EARS.
I dislike it when a fly enters my home uninvited and I especially don’t like it when its a wasp our a crane fly and the other day, a crane fly entered the man cave. With the window and room door left wide open the scraggly …little git had 24 hours to rethink its plans and find a new stronghold but the next day it was still lurking like a stalker. I chose to leave it for a while and start to do Xbox stuff, racing but still having the occasional eye scout for it to keep tabs. After a while it gets bored of the light bulb and I would spot it drifting past the tv so naturally things start getting tense as it mobilised its impending attack. The thing floats around with its lifeless legs just dangling like it’s some form of airborne jellyfish but the cunning little beasts have the ability to vanish without a trace even when you’re following it with your eyes. As tensions run high I continue to race on but as I don’t know where it is then concentration becomes more difficult and hands start getting clammy (because NO ONE LIKES CRANE FLIES) then it launches the first attack by flying past my ear, so close that IT TOUCHES IT WITH ITS GOD AWFUL LEGS! I do the ridiculously stupid looking thing that people do when a fly passes someone’s ear and flail my accelerating hand sound my ear, almost ripping it off before pausing my fishtailing car and jumping to my feet and grabbing the fly killing bb gun (I’m a good soy and I don’t need to go near it because everyone knows that crane flies have a habit of charging at you. Also it’s quicker and smells better then spray). Once locked and loaded I go on the warpath. Taking the splinter cell approach so it can’t give me the slip and pass behind me, I stand and view the surroundings and before long he shows his long face so I train my sights on him and follow his movements. It then made a mistake and flew away from me in a straight line, I use his error to squeeze the trigger. A non-deafening pop erupted from the Dessert Eagle as the mighty plastic ball of doom ejected from the barrel and landed a direct hit. The behemoth fell to the ground, motionless before getting scooped up and deposited out of the window.
I don’t like flies in my vicinity, I don’t like crane flies and I don’t like things skimming past my ear. If large flies hang around for to long, they get shot. Because I’m heartless.
The crane fly in the photos above is not the one that attacked me but one that landed on my shop window and allowed me to take pictures of it.